For a long time I lived for the validation of others. Subconsciously and unintentionally, but that fact still remains. But God, over the past three years, has shifted my mindset and grown me in ways I was not expecting. This growth has been painful, stressful, and at times, more than I thought I could handle. Yet, I am still here. Still changing, still growing.
You know those first ten to twenty seconds when you first wake up in the morning. Those first seconds of total freedom. You are aware of your life, your beingness; but you aren’t yet aware of all the “other” going-on’s in your life. In those first grateful seconds, we are the most thankful that we’ve made it through our night, and we’ve reached our glorious morning. The morning that is only gifted to us by our Lord. These moments of perfect peace.
These past couple of weeks, God has been gathering me. Every time I turn around, He’s teaching me a new lesson, convicting me in areas that I’ve clearly missed the mark in.
Over the weekend, I traveled to Austin, TX to participate in the African American Book Festival. It was definitely a major milestone to be able to speak to a room full of book lovers and fellow writers, and to present my latest book “A Vision of Victory.”
For the next 30 days, I’ve decided to abstain from social media and sex. I’ve deleted all the apps from my phone and made a reluctant, if I am being honest, promise to God that I would not share the intimacy of my soul with another person.
Yesterday, I was having a moment of uncertainty. I’m in a new experience that is outside of my comfort zone. I kept asking myself why did I leave what was comfortable? Immediately I went into prayer 🙏🏽
“God, Thank you for taking out of my comfort zone. For putting me in a position to where I have to trust you and lean on you for your understanding. It’s scary, but I’m grateful.”
I’m used to doing everything for myself. I make things happen. But in this season, God is showing me how to depend on Him for his wisdom, his strategy, and his plans over my life.
I love how God gives us free will. We have the power to make our own decisions, yet He is still working in the background to make sure that regardless of the choices we make, he can always get us to where he wants us to be, should we choose to take head to his voice.
God is a good God. We hear that over and over, but it’s another thing to KNOW IT. One thing I am sure of in this transition period in my life is that God promised to prosper me, and to give me hope and a future. For that, I have a blind faith in Him. I trust him fully.
As always, I pray my transparency helps someone who is reading this to be all that God has called you to be. Remember that fear is not of God. When you feel it, remind yourself of God’s promises. He’ll never leave or forsake you.
We naturally become scared sometimes, especially when we step outside of our comfort zones, but in the words of Pastoe John Gray, “Do it scared.” If you do this, I believe and declare that God’s favor will flood your life.
God never ceases to amaze me with the opportunities He continuously provides. Saturday, May 20, I was asked to speak at the Black Orchid Book Club meeting about my new book, “A Vision of Victory.” It was a time of fellowship, and talking about God – two of my favorite things!
I woke up at 1:53am in a panic. I’d had a terrible dream of being attacked by Lions in a river. I hadn’t eaten before bed, which is typically when such a horrific dream would occur, so I didn’t understand the cause of it. But the more it sat on my spirit, the more I realized that this was God at work.