For a long time I lived for the validation of others. Subconsciously and unintentionally, but that fact still remains. But God, over the past three years, has shifted my mindset and grown me in ways I was not expecting. This growth has been painful, stressful, and at times, more than I thought I could handle. Yet, I am still here. Still changing, still growing.
A few weeks ago, I met up with a long-time associate of mine for some hookah and laughs. Within the scope of our conversation, he shared how he has always watched me. How he admired me for living my life so openly about my journey and relationship with God. How he loved the fact that I would frequently vlog my worship experience and how I would use my platform to promote the Kingdom of God.
He went on to say how he’s noticed my growth: mentally, physically, and spiritually. #Briefanecdote From the time I moved to Houston until roughly three years ago, I was heavily immersed in the social scene. I was always out, always trying to be seen, always spending money on new clothes and shoes trying to be flashy. I lied to myself and said that it was for me, but in all actuality, it was for others to know my status. I was a young, successful professional, and I wanted to dress and present myself in a way that others would know that without me having to say it. It was my ploy to attract others to me.
What I didn’t realize was that I was attracting the wrong types of people into my space. Great people, but in different places in life. While God was trying to pull me closer to Him, I was being pulled in many other directions by the circles I was a part of. It was a complete distraction by the enemy to take me off the course God had planned for me. Although I was having fun and “living my best life,” or so I thought, I was not, in any way, fulfilling God’s purpose for my life.
But I began to pray, and I began to ask God to mold me into His image and make me more like Him. How many of you know that’s a dangerous prayer? When I prayed that I immediately begin to go through a series of test. Many of which I wrote about in my previous book A Vision of Victory.
To make a long story short, God began to change my life and (physical) image. The circles I was running in, I distanced myself from. My writing shifted to more about my spiritual journey’s. My skin began to clear and brighter, and even my weight began to drop..
So within the conversation with my friend, he was telling me how he’d noticed these things about me. Verbatim, he said, “It’s like you started to recognize and appreciate your own value.” Instantly, I was thinking, “Yes, God, that’s it!” I began to appreciate my value. I began to recognize the power that lives within me. I began to recognize my gifts and how those gifts are what sets me a part from the crowd. I was spending so much time trying to fit in, when God designed and crafted me to stand out. He went on to say, “I can see God in you. If I didn’t know God for myself, I would want to know the God you serve.”
That touched me so much. Honestly, that is my daily prayer, especially since I work in a field where I impact peoples lives on a daily basis. Each morning, I pray for God’s light to shine through me and for people to recognize the Source of that light. Little did I know, God had been answering my prayers all along. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
That conversation came at the right moment. It was the week before I turned thirty, and honestly I was feeling really down. I was so focused on the goals that I’d set to have by thirty that I haven’t obtained, that I missed the beauty of the transformation God has bestowed upon me. Instead of focusing on God, I was focused on my shortcomings.
In that moment, God was reminding me that I am His child. He was reminding me of the calling upon my life. He was reminding me that I am on a His journey. For that, I am thankful.
So what’s the message in all of this? The message is for those of you reading this who are experiencing what I am. Maybe God is separating your from some friends, some habits, some positions that are keeping you bound, keeping you distracted from His purpose. Don’t fret, but trust the process. Trust God to keep being what He has always been – good. His plans are to prosper you and to give you hope. His plans are to bless you beyond your imagination. His plans are to make your name great and mighty in the earth and heaven.
When we relinquish ourselves to His plan, then we will begin to appreciate our value. We’ll begin to not accept mediocrity and complacency. We’ll begin to seek His face and His Kingdom. A transformation will take place.
I know you all believe that because I know you all are faithful. I pray my transparency blesses whomever it is intended to bless.
x’s and o’s