For the next 30 days, I’ve decided to abstain from social media and sex. I’ve deleted all the apps from my phone and made a reluctant, if I am being honest, promise to God that I would not share the intimacy of my soul with another person.
I know!!!! How did I end up here? Truthfully, I do not have an answer to that. I want to know it as badly as you do!
Besides that, I feel that even though we may not know the answer to God’s requests sometimes, we still must obey the command. And that’s where I am, obeying his command.
This morning, I woke up a 3:00am on the dot from a very disturbing dream. It’s the third weird dream for the third night in a row. All three dreams have been random. By random I mean, random stranger people, random stranger places, involved in random stranger
and scary things. Or real life things that I am currently dealing with.
It’s not normal for me to dream while I am sleeping. Well, scientifically, everybody dreams every day. I should say that I am never cognizant of any dreams that I had while sleeping. I simply wake up and start my day. So, for this to have happened three nights in a row is alarming to me.
It put me in a bad mood when I woke. I laid in bed literally an hour and fourteen minutes (yes, that long) contemplating the meanings of these dreams before I got out of bed. I couldn’t figure them out, particularly this last one, and it frustrated me. Instantly, my entire mood this morning was bad.
“Okay!” I told myself. “Let’s get up and go to the gym. Let’s work this out.” The gym is my safe haven. I can go there and take out all of my stress . The more I sweat, the better I feel. It’s my medicine. In the gym, although I am surrounded by other people, I really get a chance to just think. I have my noise-canceling headphones on with my gospel music, and I just think. And I pray. And I meditate. I get a perspective. I hear from God. I plan. I plot. I encourage myself. I get prepared!
This morning, in the midst of my sweat, I heard from God. “Delete your social media and abstain from sex for 30 days.” Want to hear my answer. Well you know the first part of my answer based on what I’ve said so far.
For 30 days, I don’t want to care about likes. I don’t want to care about how I look. I don’t want to care about celebrities. I don’t want to care about what’s going on in the White House. I don’t want to care about any of the endless drama that comes along with the posts and statuses I see on social media. But I do want to care about what and where God is trying to take me!
#Anecdote Last night God had to put me in check real quick. I was thinking of a master plan to accumulate wealth and establish a legacy, etc. etc. Then God steps into the middle of my freaking thoughts and says, “I will get the glory, but are you really doing it for Me?” OUCH!!!!!!! Right? That really hurt, Lord! It was so good to me that I had to post it on my Facebook account. And that, fortunately, will be the last status that my Facebook family will see before I return. But good for you guys because I will probably start sharing most posts on here.
But God was getting me in check because I realized I have very selfish reasons for wanting to accumulate wealth: I want to take care of My family and friends here on Earth, a very noble thing, and I want to make sure My children and their children, and theirs, have so many resources available to them because of the things I am doing right now. Y’all see the problem with that right?
Where is God in that? Yes, God, is in the love I have for my family, but what He, and now I, am asking is where, in my vision, was HIS vision? Ouch. Ouch. Ouch!
I had to reflect. I had to think about God’s purpose for my life and, now, how will accumulating more resources help me pursue God’s purpose for my life? What will I do to continue to build His Kingdom? When I consider it this way, I am accomplishing two goals: His and mine, simultaneously. #
So fast forward to they gym. The first part of God’s request, I had no problem saying yes to. But where I almost missed it was the second part. I did not want to abstain from sex. And that’s me having a very transparent moment with you guys. I did not want to give “it” up.
But then I thought about the question God asked me last night in the midst of me having the audacity to want anything! in all of my selfishness. Am I really doing everything I can to make sure I am fulfilling the purpose God has set for my life? Am I devoting enough time to him, enough of my talents to him, enough of my will to him? And there it was- if I couldn’t even give up something as simple as sex, how could I ever expect God to do the things that I am expecting Him to do? Heck. No.
So I submitted myself to Him. Because I want to be a better lover of Him, a better Servant of Him, a better Child to Him; because He has been the best Lover of me, the best Master to Me, and the best Father to me. Even the thought of me saying no to God now makes me cry. And it is a moment to repent for me. “God, I am sorry.”
I know that is extremely personal, but I know God wants me to share it because each and every one of you is here, right where I am, or you have been. If you are here, like me, go ahead and make that decision to be obedient to whatever it is God is asking you to do in THIS moment. And watch how He blesses you for it. If you have been in this moment before, use your testimony to help someone else through it. Either share how you disobeyed and how that turned out, or share how you obeyed and how God blessed you.
What I am learning as I mature in Christ is that our testimonies are not just for us, but for us to share them, and all the wisdom that comes with it, with others. That’s how God will get the glory.
Anyway, you’re a real one if you made it to the end of that. But I hope it helps someone. I love each and every one of you.
x’s and o’s
Justin Jamaul 🙂