“Your life matters. God has a calling and plan for your life. If you don’t know your history, you won’t understand your destiny. Your destiny is connected to your history and your legacy. Be a legacy driven person.” @PhilMunsey #LakewoodChurch
Last night while streaming bible study, God spoke to me in such an undeniable way, all I could do was cry. And not just a simple cry, a deep, heart-felt cry from my soul. His voice has never been so clear to me and He’s never said so much to me at one time. Last night was different. I don’t know why. I don’t know how, but it was.
As Pastor Munsey was speaking, he first started talking about the history of the church and how you cannot understand your present or your destiny without knowing your history. He made the comment that some of us were bound to this church (Lakewood). Some people pass through without being connected to it, but some of us are bound to that ministry. God has attached us to it and won’t let us go. We can’t escape it. When he said this, I immediately knew it was God. Honestly, I’d been trying to leave Houston and transition back to Los Angeles. I’d done all the right things and made all the right moves, yet God didn’t open that door back up to me completely. I was a little frustrated, but then God gave me a new position here in Houston. Still, while I was on vacation in L.A. last week, I questioned my purpose here in Houston. Is this really where I should be? I asked myself. God gave me a clear and definitive answer last night. I am tied to the church ministry. I cannot leave. There is much more work for me to do here in Houston and I cannot leave my church.
At this point, I was already in tears. My flesh was crying because I didn’t necessarily get what I wanted. My Spirit was weeping because I knew it recognized the voice of the Lord. The pastor went on to speak about “iniquities.” He describe an iniquity as a generational curse – a problem that transfers from one generation of a family into the next, and so on and so forth until someone breaks it. Immediately, I thought about my family. I thought about how financial issues plagued my family as I grew up in a house of 5 kids and two parents. How some days we would come home to the gas being turned off, or the electricity. How sometimes my parents couldn’t afford to put food on the table. How sometimes I had to share clothes with my brothers because we couldn’t afford to go to the malls and purchase new clothes. And then I flashed-forward to present day. I thought about how the enemy constantly attacks our finances. Why has it been so difficult at times? And then I really focused on what the pastor was saying. That inequity hasn’t been dealt with. So then, my cries harden… Because in that moment, I am realizing that God is calling me to be that one to break the curse. My flesh selfishly cries because I’m thinking man that’s a lot of pressure for one person. My Spirit is crying because it knows what we have to do. I have to continue being faithful in my tithes, as I have been for the past three years. I have to continue to pray against the enemy. I have to continue praying for my family and praying that we all stay in the will of God. I have to continue praying over my unborn children and my nieces and nephews because they are the next generation and it is my responsibility to make sure they do not have to deal with everything that we are dealing with in the present.
Tears are flooding down my cheeks uncontrollably, and then he says something else that wipes me completely out. Legacy. This is a word that is written in big, bold letters on my vision board, hanging in my room. Legacy is what I pray for every day. And when he began to speak, I knew it was still God. He was still speaking, very loud and very clear. All these things were confirmation that God has been listening to me. He has been with me all along. I can’t give up. The God I serve is real. He’s almighty and all-powerful. Now, more than ever, I am determined to create a destiny God can be proud of, break the cycle of inequities in my family, and now, more than ever, be connected and involved in my church.
As always, I practice transparency. I hope someone was touched by God’s Word as much as I was. Share your thought and feelings and prayers with me in the comments.
Isaiah 53:5 “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities…”